January 2012
3 posts
i wrote this for you.
and whenever i face one of those difficult days, i recount to myself what it would be like, a year from now -another chapter closed, another life begins. a dream no longer deferred, but experienced and lived. a life, happiness that prevailed.
and suddenly, amidst the envisioned bliss and profound gratitude, memories from the year’s past flash in a kind of mental cacophony. the deafening...
“To love each other more than you need each other.”
– that’s good advice to carry with. For always.
December 2011
6 posts
Unchanged.
And so I fell in love with you, always with a feeling-doubt, deep down -that there was very little chance of my being with you for always.
“I often used to dream about you — vivid dreams with clear-cut stories. In these...”
– Haruki Murakami, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle (via align)
pangs of pain i never saw coming.
maybe it’s a little too late. hope i’ll see you next semester, then.
“who decides who lives or dies?
why do bad things happen to good people?”
“the sense of an ending… is often most unbearably sad.
it is about...”
November 2011
9 posts
““oh darling, he doesn’t love you and that’s hard to hear...”
i have forgotten all there is to remember.
i found myself at a precipice, wanting to jump.
sobbing, my whole body shaking in fear and in regret, because i knew i would never have the courage to take that leap.
how would our lives have changed?
how would our lives change?
i must stop beating myself up for the things that i cannot help but happen.
“I think it’s possible that I will you into being in my life… I...”
“pour vivre heureux vivons cachés.”
reach.
there’s my rational self, mocking the other, who admittedly feels more real, and is slowly dying.
call it what you want.
“sometimes moving forward makes us look back.”
some friend.
how dare you have the audacity to accuse me of things you have no inkling of. when you did not stand in my shoes.
October 2011
8 posts
“i had to learn to let myself hope.”
merde.
i’m writing because it feels like my heart’s been yanked out of its place. i’ve never lost so much sleep or worked so hard, and the thing is, rationally-speaking, it’s not that bad at all.
but i’ve tried, you know? pushing myself to prove something… right now i don’t even know what that is. it feels a lot like failure. it hurts. and i don’t know how...
lofty and boon are two words of which their definitions don’t quite exactly fit the way they sound.
still studying.
“Bismarck is thus an important model, having been able to achieve national unification without provoking adverse international reactions.”
But how long can one sustain this if national interests (successfully achieved from national unification) are at odds with other hegemonies/ sovereign states? (Assume that the nature of national interest is that it is not an egalitarian...
thoughts while i study.
does a scientist discover a process? doesn’t the verb ‘to discover’ mean that it is already existing, in nature? to equate, that would be saying michaelangelo discovered david in a large piece of marble, right?
to discover the Haber-Bosch process? is it just me, or does language really fail us? bring it all to a science. :/
"i want you, i want to try."
“I thought I knew how it felt. I thought I had memorized the feeling of not being happy, of wanting more, of being ajar. I thought I had settled for this second skin; the acceptance that sometimes it just isn’t a choice. It is a luxury to be able to feel what you wish to feel, and more often than not, life cannot afford such ease. The problem with being a dreamer, a writer, a poet, is...
“too in love to let it go, but if you never try you’ll never know.”
September 2011
8 posts
a second.
the passage of time is a funny thing. it is both, at once, fleeting and mesmerizing. and i say mesmerizing because the things that take your breath away often stretch the dimensions of time to a pace that almost seems sacred and fragile. like the fluttering wings of a butterfly. or the hands of a clock going into the final minute of the hour. precious moments like that; mesmerizing. you hold your...
here was something.
there is a stillness about bodies of water that emanates calmness and a kind of serenity that isn’t static. the beauty about watching the gentle movements; ebb and flow, a pulsating rhythm choreographed by invisible forces beyond our eye’s reach. who started this dance, whence came the waves -did it originate from a centerpoint or are waves borne of shorelines suppressing its magic?
...
here is something i thought i'd lost.
how your heart skips a beat in the surrealism of it all,
virtual realities and past realities and actual realities and,
fears, curiosities, the immeasurabilities,
when two people can finally face each another,
although only one can see,
glimpses of simple joys and,
carelessness in a tint of the carefree,
the voice of a familiar comfort, yet estranged from unspoken vulnerabilities
the...
i remember why.
the cold has descended. so i sit by the window, snuggled in my favorite chair, just taking it all in and savoring the chill crisp air. enveloped in a blanket and warm, i watch the endless blue sky.
from me to you.
“I don’t know when we’ll see each other again or what the world will be like when we do. We may both have seen many horrible things. But I will think of you every time I need to be reminded that there is beauty and goodness in the world.”
-Arthur Golden
“…but all my regret and all my resolutions won’t change in the...”
– Johann Fichte, The Vocation of Man
this much is true.
most times, i carry you into my dreams. such occasions are derived from recollections, and conversations of. but it’s been a while since you were a conscious thought. so when i saw you in my dreams tonight, first i wondered why. whatever the reason, it makes me miss you now. it seemed so real, and yet only wishful-thinking.
August 2011
16 posts
“I’m talking about the ones who, for whatever reason, are as much a part of you...”
Perfect Record
dearoldlove:
In all my past relationships, I knew at certain moments when that person wasn’t the one for me. I never had one of those moments with you.
“There’s time. There’s time to count split ends and light candles; to...”
– anon
confessions of a political science and philosophy...
i just realized i have a new-found tendency to politicize and dwell in deep thought every issue and topic that i write about for class. oh this is bad.
“you like me. i love you.”
still.
Has there ever been a reason for this insistent longing within one’s chest? If it were to burst free into one single mellifluous sound, would it truly be as luminous as small shards of the moon? As charming as the last breath of our dying sun; the gentle, soft voice of a bird ensnared for all its living days to a cage with no soul? There is a bittersweet perfection in the pain of a simple...
the violet hour.
and he wrote:
“what saddens me most is the i did meet you. in a way i’m glad to have met you, but at the same time i wish i never knew someone like you existed.”
i’ve never felt this way before -to know that i, myself am capable of hurting another soul in the same intangible, unintelligible sadness that i’ve written and emoted so many weeks before. i have no...
